Monday, May 25, 2009

Can I Have Both Please?

It would be really nice to find a guy that is able to carry on an interesting, intellectual (two sided!) conversation AND is attractive. Sometimes it seems that they are either one or the other. You may realize at the end of a relationship that you were completely wrong for each other, but you got together because of lust. Lust can have such a strong pull. After all, it's built into our bodies from the caveman days to find potential mates based on healthy physical attributes.

Or, you have a really good friend who you know would be the best boyfriend ever... but you could never bring yourself to that point because you're not sexually attracted to them. If you really like them enough the attraction can grow. But sometimes, you just can't even go there. Even if you wish it could work out, you can't force yourself to be with someone who you have zero attraction to. On a scale from 1 to 10, if the attraction is a 6 or 7, it may grow if they are the most amazing person. If it's at a 2, it's pretty hard. I've tried once, it ends horribly. Now that is awkwardness. 

I want someone who has both. Sometimes I wish I could combine people. A lot of times I'd like to be back together with the last guy I was with, who I loved deeply. He was everything I wanted. I was attracted to him, but not in a way where it's so overpowering that you're self conscious. We had deep conversations but we were able to sit in silence without any awkwardness,  just enjoying each other's company. I wanted to be with him physically, but I also wanted to hear what he had to say about life. If he wanted to be with me, I would have done the long distance thing when I moved to another state. Unfortunately, it ended before that.

Being in love  can make life so much more fulfilling and interesting. And sometimes it just helps to pass the time pleasantly. Being in a relationship with the right person allows you to be totally comfortable and completely yourself. You could be locked in a room with them for 72 hours straight and never get bored. I miss it. I miss him. 

1 comment:

  1. I can understand the lure of a relationship, but sometimes it can be used a a crutch. I had consistent relationships from when I was 15 until 20!

    Though at times I feel like having a companion would be really nice, I have to remember that sometimes you have to fully know yourself without a significant other. Over the past year I have been doing that and I am at a point where I don't even want to be in a relationship.

    Being without a boyfriend has allowed me to be selfish (but not in a bad way). I spent too long wondering about how he felt, or what I could do to make him happy even though sometimes my happiness was not any concern of his. I have allowed myself to say what would make me happy (outside of a boyfriend) and I found a whole host of things that allow me enjoy being single.

    They (whoever 'they' are) say that when you are least looking for a relationship it will happen - and I firmly believe that. Get to know your new city and all the people in it! You're guy is out there, but if you go looking for him - he'll seem like he's in hiding lol.


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